Things That Go Fast

Wheel-Lee: Things That Go Fast...on 2 or 4 Wheels

"Have you ever noticed, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

George Carlin

Early Fun on Dirt Bikes

My love of going fast on wheels began in England on my first bicycles. Later, after immigrating to America with my mom and step-dad, and living near his U.S. Navy base in Charleston, South Carolina, my new friends would occasionally let me ride their Honda minibikes, like the QA50 and Trail 70, when we were all 13 years old. In 1973, when I was 15, my best friend Jeff Rowell let me ride his Penton 125 dirt bike, but when I crashed it (not too much damage) Jeff yanked my riding privileges.

Fifteen Year-Old with a License. Watch Out!

At age fifteen and a half I got my drivers license in Charleston, and my parents started letting me use their 1965 Plymouth Fury I for errands and driving to work at Baskin-Robbins after school. I also got to drive my step-dad's 1972 AMC Ambassador sometimes. Wow! The V8-powered Ambassador was like a Formula One racecar compared to the Fury's tepid inline 6-cylinder engine.

Moving from Charleston to Rota, Spain at age 16 came about when my step-dad received orders to transfer to the US Navy base there. Living in Spain for the next two years was fun, but you can't drive in Spain until you're 18, so -- even though I'd been driving for over a year in Charleston -- I effectively lost my license in Spain. So I turned to mopeds instead. Me and my best friend Charlie Weathers would ride little, 49cc European mopeds whenever we could. Not as fast as real motorcycles, but they could hurt you just as bad when you crashed them...and we did.

Learning About Cars and Motorcycles

After two years of living in Spain, I finally received my international driving permit when I turned 18 in February 1976, but I left Spain in June after graduation. After high school in Spain, I came back to the U.S. and joined the Navy. After boot camp I was assigned to 6 months of weather school in Lakehurst, NJ, where a fellow sailor (who didn't get out of barracks much) let me drive his brand new 1976 "Starsky & Hutch" replica Ford Gran Torino -- complete with racing stripe -- wherever I wanted, every weekend. Nice guy!

After weather school I was assigned to shore duty in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii (sweeet!) for the next 2 years. In Oahu I purchased a my first car, a 1968 Chevy Impala, with a rusted hole in the trunk where a coconut had fallen through. Even though the car was in poor mechanical condition, the first thing I did was buy two chrome mags for the rear wheels (I couldn't afford all four) and park the car behind a tree so I could take a photo "pretending" the car had mags all around. Pitiful, huh? The car eventually, literally fell apart, and a junk yard bought it for $35. (I originally paid $650.)

In Hawaii I also bought a 1971 Yamaha R5 motorcycle. This light weight (only 310 lbs) street bike had a 2-cylinder, 2-stroke, 350cc motor with oil injection and drum brakes. Cost: $600. (Today, restored R5s sell for ten times that.) I nicknamed my new custom-painted bike "Paco," and a man-machine love affair occurred. The quirky 2-stroke motor made me quickly learn how to gap points and clean speak plugs. Six or so of my sailor roommates also had bikes, and we'd spend out days off riding to the island's beautiful beaches, wearing only shorts and sneakers. Ah, the invincibility of youth. I also completed private pilot ground school and in-air instructor training, but never received my pilot's license because I ran out of money before my crucial cross-country solo flights. Best friend Mark Harris and I befriended an officer, Lt. Millard, who had his pilot's license, and the three of us spent weekends renting planes and doing amateur aerobatics over the Hawaiian islands. Imagine almost blackout-level G-forces pulling up from a power dive over the cliffs of Kauai.      

Squeezing Drums Into Just About Anything

After my enlistment in the Navy I moved to San Diego where I became a full-time drummer, and I needed a car with cargo space. I bought a 1968 Dodge van from a shyster at a used car dealership for my entire life savings, $1100. Soon realizing it was piece of crap, I tried to sell it, but the first guy who test drove it never came back. He stole it! And I had no insurance on it. Welcome to civilian life. 

Saving up $600, I replaced the stolen van with a '71 Ford Pinto (yellow, naturally). Here it is loaded with drums outside one of the clubs we used to play. Next came a lovely avocado green $575 1972 Ford Country squire station wagon. (I had to beat the ladies away with a stick!)

Saving up some more money from gigging, I bought my roommate Jim Fahey's 1963 Volkswagen bus. Lot of memories in that car, as you might imagine. That's my Sunyassin girlfriend Ma Prem Sono (a.k.a. Francetta Michetti) standing fetchingly in front of the Love Bus. Pining for "Paco," I also bought my first motorcycle since leaving the Navy...a 1975 Honda 750-Four K model (SOHC, 67 horsepower, front discs). Check out the custom-painted desert scene on this fast bike. 

Budding Computer Geek Says, "Let Practicality Rule!"

After three years of drumming I went to college to get edumacated. (Ended up with B.S. in computer science.) After blowing up the engine on the VW Bus I bought a $1400 1969 Datsun 510 that was lowered and had nice wheels. 

Moving to L.A. after graduation to take my first job as a computer programmer, I bought my first new car: a 1982 Datsun 210, for $5999...cheapest car on the dealer's lot. I still played drums part-time, and managed to stuff the whole set into that little car. Years later, when I got married and had two baby daughters right away, they fit into the (by then paid off) Datsun 210 too! I also bought my first new motorcycle ever: a 1982 dual-purpose (dirt/street) Honda XL250R for $1800.

The following year I traded in the XL250R for the world's quickest 650cc street bike, the $2700 1983 Honda Nighthawk 650SC...very nice and very fast...so fast in fact that I crashed it while racing an identical bike in L.A.'s Mulholland Canyon. After that harsh lesson, I gave up riding bikes for six years, and focused instead on staying healthy for my young family. After my self-imposed motorcycling penance, I bought a friend's used 1979 Kawasaki KZ1000 for $800, but the wobbly Vetter fairing made it unsafe at any speed, so I sold it and bought a 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royale from a little old lady in Pasadena. Okay, she lived in Long Beach. (No pics of the Kawi or the Olds.)

In 1986 I went to the Nissan dealer and bought a brand spankin' new, fully loaded (V6, moon roof, speed-sensitive stereo) 1987 Maxima SE wagon...great for hauling kids and drums in luxury. For a 2nd car I bought a new 1987 Plymouth Colt Vista wagon, which was stupid (two wagons), so I eventually ended up with a used 1979 BMW 320iS (the "S" for sport)

.

In 1990 the Maxima lease expired and I got a new 1990 Nissan Stanza (boring). Next came a new 1992 Toyota Previa van. When my marriage ended in 1992 I gave the Stanza (no pics...gee, bummer) to my ex and bought a new 1993 Honda Civic, which I eventually traded in for a new 1995 Toyota Camry LE V6 wagon...great for hauling kids and drums.

Having Some Fun in My Old Age

After some work successes in the late '90s I leased the completely redesigned 1998 Lexus GS300, which a couple of years later I traded for a new 2000 Lexus RX300. (The GS got far more respect than the RX from valet parking attendants.) Around this same time I bought my first motorcycle in quite some time: a barely used 1994 Honda Shadow VT1100SC. (Think Harley-Davidson clone, complete with light bar, Cobra pipes, etc.).   

To add even more stuff in my crowded garage, I bought a classic American muscle car, a 1967 Ford Mustang GT-A. Three years later I sold it on eBay for twice what I paid for it. (Good investment.) Here's the text of the eBay ad when I sold it:

• This beautiful, fast, fully restored California car has always been garaged and pampered (comes with custom-made car cover). It’s very clean, is close to show quality, and has 100% stock exterior and interior.
  Only 2,219 of this model were made 36 years ago...how many are left today?
• This is a factory GT/A, not a "decal GT/A." $17,900 has been spent (have all receipts) since 1994 in restoring this car to the excellent condition it is in. The 289 cubic inch (4.9 liter) motor and transmission are re-built. All numbers match. Strong compression/cylinder. This car is in top mechanical and cosmetic condition, including: new crank shaft, rod and main bearings, alternator, brakes, coil springs, electrical (including electronic ignition), paint (including several clear coats), vinyl top, suspension, power steering (including new frame welds), ball joints, boot kits, wheel bearings, alignment, battery, starter, carburetor, heater, floor console, radiator, shroud, weather stripping, vents, solenoid, hoses, door hinges, light bezels, rocker moldings, exhaust tips, windshield and other glass, mirrors, grill, bumpers, carpet, seat cushions and upholstery, headliner, door panels, door locks, valve covers, distributor cap, thermostat, battery tray, speakers and Mustang stereo. Has original, vintage California 1967 gold-on-black license plates.
• Performance / convenience extras: 4-barrel Holley 6000 carburetor, Flowmaster exhaust + headers, and trunk-mounted Kenwood CD changer that is matched to the stock Ford/Kenwood AM/FM in-dash stereo. VIN/Code: 7R01A179490 / 65B I 6A 07B 71 1 V (Factory GT/A)
• Options:
  • GT Package. Includes GT stripes, GT/A badges, GT pop-open gas cap, fog lamps, wide 14" tires, front power disc brakes, special handling package with higher rate springs/shocks plus larger front stabilizer bar, and special low-restriction dual exhaust system.
  • Automatic transmission (ergo the "A" in "GT/A"), plus Factory air conditioning (cold!)
  • Luxury/Deluxe Package, Interior Décor Group, and Exterior Décor Group, plus ‘Blinker’ Hood
  • Factory power steering and Factory power disc brakes
  • Factory Styled Steel (Rally / GT) Wheels with lock nuts
  • Deluxe wood steering wheel, plus Courtesy/map lights

On the bad investment side of things, I also drove a 1994 BMW 740i for a few years. Horrible problems with major components failing: a/c, brakes and, finally, transmission. Good riddance. In 2000 I traded the loud, rumbly Shadow for a barely used 1998 Honda Gold Wing SE...think of it as a 9-foot long, 900-pound BarcaLounger on 2 wheels...comfy, fast and surprisingly numble. This 1500cc long-distance touring bike has a reverse gear, intercom, CB, 4-speaker stereo (into which I have an iPod Shuffle wired), on-board air compressor, and a wine fridge...just kidding on that last one...or am I?

In 2004 I bought a new Honda Odyssey EX minivan. Love it! I installed a Harmon-Kardon Drive+Play iPod control system to listen to my entire music collection on my 4th gen / 40gig iPod while on the road. 

In 2006 I bought a delightful 1999 Honda ST1100 (sport touring motorcycle) from a friend. Called the Pan European in...yup, Europe, the ST1100 is a venerable, proven design that is used throughout the world as a police bike. (See example below of what you don't want to see in your rear view mirror.)

The Honda ST1100 was fun for a few months, but when I took a test ride on my riding buddy Steve's 2004 Yamaha FJR1300 (150 horsepower, 150 mph, sport bike handling, great looks) I knew I had to update my ride. So I sold the ST on eBay and bought an almost new (1700 miles) 2006 Yamaha FJR1300A. It was a terrific bike: 1300cc "super-sport tourer" with a liquid-cooled inline 4-cylinder fuel-injected high-power low-emission engine and 5-speed transmission with hydraulic clutch, ABS, aluminum chassis, shaft drive, adjustable pre-load single-shock rear suspension, electric up/down windshield, removable hard bags, large fuel tank, and trip computer. It weighs 640 pounds wet (gas and fluids included). That's me and "The Feejer." -->

The list add-on accessories on the FJR included: 4-year extended factory warranty, Corbin 2-piece saddle (passenger seat heated), Corbin Smuggler, SmarTire tire pressure monitoring system, frame sliders, freeway pegs, steel braided brake/clutch cable lines, and Scorpio alarm system. I also added Kisan brake light flasher, Kisan headlight modulator, California Scientific +3.5" windshield, and a pair of "Ferrari-loud" Fiamm horns to audibly alert distracted drivers to my proximity. (Motorcyclists simply love "cagers" with cell phones stuck to their ears.)

For my customized California license plate for the FJR, I selected "M. PYTHN" (Monty Python). It complemented the "R U A GOA?" license plate on my Gold Wing, which refers to famous Python sketch in which an irritating twit in a pub pesters a proper gentlemen by asking him, "Your wife, guv'ner, is she a go-er? Know what I mean? Does she like to...go? Eh, eh? Wink, wink? Nudge, nudge?" And, finally, yes, that is, in fact, a jar of Marmite (yummy English yeast extract paste for buttered toast) resting atop a scale model of the FJR. Don't ask.

After a few long-distance, all-day rides on the FJR1300, I realized that my perennially sore back was becoming unbearably painful due to the bike's somewhat "lean forward" position. (In my younger days this didn't bother me. Aging...damn! Still, I guess it's better than the alternative.) So, I sold both my '98 Honda Gold Wing GL1500SE and my '06 Yamaha FJR1300A and bought the one motorcycle that I believe delivers both outstanding performance and comfort: the 2007 Honda Gold Wing GL1800. The model I purchased has every available option except for the airbag. (Yes, the Gold Wing is the only bike in the world that offers an optional airbag, to protect the rider from severe injuries or death in the event of a front end crash. It doesn't help at all in side-impact crashes, or when the bike is simply laid down sideways for whatever reason.)

What my new Gold Wing does have is a 6-speaker, 80-watts-per-channel premium sound system (I've wired my iPod into the AUX port, a comfort package that includes a delightfully comfy heated seat (individual heat controls, front and rear) and heated grips, anti-lock (ABS) anti-lock linked brakes, and a satellite-linked navigation system with voice prompting. Standard Gold Wing features include: a powerful fuel-injected 1832cc liquid-cooled horizontally opposed six-cylinder engine delivering 118 bhp and 125 lb./ft. of torque, multi-box-section aluminum dual-spar frame and single-side cast aluminum swingarm, shaft drive, six-into-two exhaust, 1300-watt alternator, 5-speed transmission with overdrive, anti-dive system, computer-controlled adjustable hydraulic rear suspension, slow-speed electric reverse system, electronic cruise control, windshield height adjustment system, 60-liter trunk and two 40-liter saddlebags, remote-control trunk/saddlebag lock/open system plus horn-actuated bike locator, 6.6-gallon fuel tank, engine and saddlebag tip-over guards, automatic choke, self-canceling turn signals, and dual electric (loud) horns.

The first thing I did after buying the new 'Wing was install a Utopia backrest, headlight modulator and grip air deflectors (Baker "Hand Wings"), and take it on a long ride. I drove north up to Camarillo to visit my niece Claire, her husband Iain and their two little angels, Brynn and Casey (seen below trying to take the 'Wing for a spin). Then I headed way up north on the California coastline to my favorite spot on the planet, Big Sur. Returning home the next day, the odometer showed I'd driven over 700 miles in a little over 24 hours. The verdict: I love this motorcycle!  

Topless Fun!

Have you ever driven by a used car dealer, seen an attractive automobile, stopped in to casually inquire about the vehicle's particulars, took a brief test ride, then ended up buying the damn thing? That's exactly what happened here. On last day of July 2007 I saw this 1996 Mazda Miata for sale at a dealership not far from my house. Fast forward 24 hours (including at least 4 hours Googling everything there is to know about the venerable MX-5), and this Montego Blue Mica-colored beauty is wedged inside my 2-car garage, along with my '04 Honda Odyssey EX minivan and my '07 Honda Goldwing motorcycle. Tight fit? We're talkin' inches, folks.

But, oh my freakin' lord...fun to drive? It drives like a go-kart. Only a 1.8 liter 4-cyclinder motor, but it makes 133 horsepower, and with only 2300 pounds of weight to push around via the rear wheels, this thing is more fun than an angry mom in a WalMart! My first upgrade (within 2 hours after leaving the dealer's lot) was new shoes, in the form of four Kensington tires mounted on American Racing 5-spoke mags. Next modification was replacing the MX-5's cartoonishly weak "meep-meep" horn with a pair of loud, attention-getting Fiamm electric horns (E-note and F-note), wired via a dedicated relay because of the power draw. Speaking of sounds, I (okay, Circuit City) ripped out the OEM radio and speakers and replaced them with a Pioneer SuperTuner head unit (with iPod input so I can play my favorite tunes) and some beefy speakers. Minor stuff added: boot to cover the top when it's down, plus a pair of new, brighter-than-OEM front running lights. Yes, that's a British license plate on the front bumper. 

Back to a Bimmer

In late 2007 I began to feel that familiar itch to change rides again. (We're talking car here...I remain quite happy with my '07 Honda Gold Wing motorcycle.) I'd never had a problem with two previous Lexuses (Lexi?) I'd owned (GS and RX), and reliability had been a tough issue for me with two previous BMWs...a 3-Series and a 7-Series, so I figured I'd split the numeric difference and try my luck with a newish 5-Series (E60) BMW. I found a Certified Pre-Owned 2004 BMW 525i that had just come off a 3-year lease and was on sale locally at Long Beach BMW. I made 'em an offer they apparently couldn't refuse, and I brought home this beautiful Teutonic work of automobile art. (Had to sell my fun little convertible '96 Mazda MX-5 Miata, plus my loyal, practical '04 Honda Odyssey EX minivan, to make room in my garage (and in my wallet) for the new Bimmer.)

This is no ordinary luxury car. Here's a list of the standard features:

• Performance Features:
  • 184-hp inline six cylinder engine.
  • Vented disc antilock brakes with Dynamic Brake Control auto-proportioning.
  • Dynamic Traction Control.
  • Dynamic Stability Control anti-skid electronics.
• Safety Features:
  • Run-flat tires, with integrated Flat Tire Monitoring system. (Notifies driver of tire problem, but keeps tire rigid until replacement occurs.)
  • Adaptive brake lights. (These illuminate more intensely, over a larger area, when the driver applies the brakes full-lock, or when the ABS operates. The idea is
    to inform drivers in cars following the 5-Series that it's stopping quickly.)
  • Seatbelt pretensioners and force limiters.
  • Two-stage front airbags with dual threshold deployment. (The 5's front-impact airbags are among the most sophisticated anywhere. Multi-stage inflation, shape
    and interaction with surrounding surfaces have all been refined to optimize protection. The head-protection airbags run from the front pillars to the rear, and
    completely cover body-side and window areas where an occupant's head might strike.)
  • Front-passenger side airbags, plus side curtain head-protection airbags.
  • Intelligent Safety and Information System control with fiber-optic connections and post-impact safety measures.
• Comfort and Convenience Features:
  • iDrive system. (Version two...improved from the original that first appeared on the 2002 BMW 7-Series.) 
  • Fully automatic climate control with active micro-filtration and separate temperature and airflow controls for each side of the cabin.
  • AM/FM/CD player with 10 speakers. (Mid & tweeter in each front door, 2 mids & 2 tweeters in parcel shelf, 2 under-seat sub-woofers.)
  • Power tilt-and-telescoping leather steering wheel that automatically retracts away from driver when the key is removed to ease exit..
  • Keyless entry with a multi-function remote and Vehicle & Key memory, which sets seat and climate controls for the driver whose key opens the car.
  • Headlights and fog lights with automatic control.
  • Three 12-volt power outlets in the cabin and one in the trunk.
  • Rechargeable flashlight in the glovebox.
  • Rain-sensing windshield wipers.

And here's the list of additional options that came with this 5-Series:

• 6-speed Steptronic automatic transmission. (BMW's variant of Porsche's Tiptronic that allows the driver to select gears via a "Manual Override Automatic" mode on the shifter. Once in manual mode, simply nudge the shifter up or down to select the preferred gear. An on-board computer ensures no gear-wrecking poor choices are made. Manual mode is terrific for performance driving and when navigating steep grades.)
• Sport Package
  • 17" 5-spoke wheels with run-flat tires.
  • Black trim around the side windows. (Compared to a non-Sport 5-Series which has a chrome window trim.)
  • Active Steering. (Varies the steering ratio and eliminates the compromises of fixed-ratio steering, for better, more responsive handling. Active Steering makes the
    steering quicker at low speed and slower at high speed, and is integrated with BMW's Digital Stability Control anti-skid electronics. The system can actually make minor steering adjustments without the driver's intervention, or even awareness. Active Steering might intervene in a number of emergency situations, allowing safer, quicker recovery from a skid.)
  • Active Roll Stabilization. (Electronically controlled, hydraulically operated system. It helps keep the body from leaning over in corners, allowing flatter cornering
    at higher speeds.)
• Premium Package
  • Leather upholstery.
  • Gloss wood trim.
  • Integrated garage door opener.
  • Auto-dimming rear-view mirror.
  • Power lumbar support.
• Xenon Adaptive Headlights
  • High-intensity discharge (HID) Xenon illumination on both low and high beam, allowing the outboard lights to steer with the car, Tucker-style, as it tracks through curves).

I had the dealer install the iPod AUX option, and also activate the BlueTooth system. Since the only significant option this car doesn't have is the BMW navigation system, I installed the Garmin nuvi680 nav system...which offers greater capabilities/functionality than the OEM system...although it's not neatly integrated into the iDrive display.

December 15, 2007 E60 (current-style BMW 5-Series) Forum Member Ride through Angeles Crest Highway to Mount Wilson

March 8, 2008 E60 Forum Member Ride/Meet-up in San Luis Obispo, California, with daughter Alison

May 18, 2008: BMW 5-Series (E60Forums.net) Meet-up for Go-Kart Racing at K1 in Irvine, CA

June 28, 2008: BMW 5-Series (E60Forums.net) Ride through Angeles Crest Highway to Mount Wilson

Friends, Bikes and Rides

Riding solo is fun, but it's also a blast to spend the day riding with good friends. Here's 1) Good friend Steve Foley on his 2004 Yamaha FJR1300...after he bought his (and I test rode it) I had to have one for myself!, 2) Steve and I at the Rock Store, 3) Triumph ST rider Greg Cumming (cross-continent rider and father of family friend Dustin Cumming), with Steve and I at the Palos Verdes Whale Watching Site in 2006, 4) SoCal Shadow Riders (a group I co-founded in 1998 before selling my Honda Shadow VT1100 two years later). The fifth photo below is of me with BMW GS rider Dr. Phil Weida and fellow Gold Wing rider Rich Daniels in Paso Robles, California in 2003. Tragically, in May 2006, Rich was killed while riding one of his 35 motorcycles (a new Yamaha FJR1300!) to his winery in Paso Robles. He leaves behind his wife and two children. Rest in peace, Rich.

In June of 2007 riding buddy Steve Foley decided to trade-in his '04 FJR1300 sport-tourer for an '07 Aprilia Tuono 1000R sportbike. Specs: liquid-cooled 60-degree 998cc DOHC 4-valve V-twin, making 133 hp at 9500 rpm, with 6-speed transmission and 'flickable' 407 lb dry weight. These 'day one' photos show the proud owner (Steve) and me (with perma-grin after an exhilarating test ride).

Here's 1) me sitting on (in?) V8-powered "Boss Hoss" at Long Beach Motorcycle Show, Dec. 8, '06, 2) Phil Weida (on his brand new BMW 1200GS) and me (on the FJR) before a ride on February 3, 2007, and 3) Richard, Michael, Barry and Tim (from Epicurean Riders and FJR Forum) and me on a San Diego twisties ride March 4, 2007. 

Here's Jay Leno showing off his newest toy (Ariel Atom 2) at the Mulholland Canyon lookout point, Jan. 1, '07. I asked Jay, "How much does it weigh?" He replied, "1350 pounds." I said, "Damn! That's less than my Gold Wing!" (The bike I was riding that day...not technically true, since the 'Wing only weights 850 pounds...got a chuckle from Jay anyway.)

<-- stock photo of Ariel Atom 2

I've never owned a Harley-Davidson, but I've rented them for all-day rides a few times. Harleys are okay, especially if you don't value eardrums and want to develop a Popeye-like left forearm muscle from pulling on that #$%^! clutch lever for hours at a time. Here's 1) me in Chicago in 2004, riding solo, northbound along the shore of Lake Michigan, and 2) me in 1998 with a co-worker from Compaq rented Harleys and rode around the entire island of Oahu in one day. With no windshield and a shorty helmet, I think I swallowed 150 bugs that day. Finally, 3) I've rented and ridden scooters, but it's a dark fact that I'd prefer you keep to yourself. There I am in Ensenada, Mexico in 1995, praying no one recognizes me.

The Waver (Here's a first-person short story I wrote that was published in Street Bike Magazine in 1998.)

Everyone loves a sandwich. Unless you’re the meat in the middle of that sandwich.

Fifteen years ago, while living in Downey, California, I went for a Saturday morning pleasure ride on my shiny, new ‘83 Honda Nighthawk 650SC.

Up ahead I saw three lanes of Paramount Boulevard converging into one for road work. As traffic slowed to a crawl I found myself slowly becoming wedged between two tractor-trailers. Instead of ‘shooting the gap’ I prudently backed off, allowing the two huge trucks to fight for the lane.

That’s when I saw The Waver.

From the cab of the truck to my right I saw a plaid-shirted arm emerge and start waving, presumably at me. I politely shook my helmeted head, ‘No, thank you.’ I had no intention of squeezing between the two trucks. The Waver leaned out and looked back at me. His face was obscured by large, mirrored sunglasses, but he was obviously insisting that I pass him.

Fine, I thought. You want me out of your rear view mirror, mister? You’ve got it. Slowly and cautiously, I edged through the narrowing gap.

My pulse quickened when I saw that the gap seemed to be closing. As I reached the halfway point I saw that The Waver’s truck was indeed veering closer and closer to the other truck, sandwiching ME in the middle!

Stupidly, I maintained my position as the gap continued to narrow, until my handlebars were solidly wedged between the two metal monsters. I watched in horror as my bike inched forward in neutral, carried along by the slow motion of the trucks.

I banged with my gloved hand on the steel siding of The Waver’s truck. “Hey!” I shouted frantically. “What the hell are you doing?”

Looking into The Waver’s large rearview mirror I was shocked to see him smiling broadly, his face a mask of demented humor. His expression said, “Gotcha, sucker.”

In final desperation I banged on the other truck, and to my immense relief it veered away, allowing me to accelerate through the gap and escape. On my way past The Waver I glanced up to see him grinning down at me.

My heart was still racing like mad when I made my way back home.

I’ll never know why The Waver did that to me. In all of my motorcycling years since, I’ve seen only skillful, trustworthy driving on the part of big-rig truckers. So I can only assume that The Waver was having a bad morning, or maybe he suffered from a plain, old bad attitude.